"The Fuck They Are!"

So yesterday was another banner day in The Closing of 813.

After a Monday of delivering threats, I sat yesterday and watched my phone like I was waiting on a call from a girl in Jr. High.

Nada.

At about 3pm, I emailed my banker and gave him the lowdown. It was obvious to me at that point we weren't closing yesterday, and might not even be closing today. He and I discussed some things, and then he offered to be the bad guy and go after my realtor and the buyers' lender.

More time went by and I heard from no one. At 4:30, I ran some brochures to the Academy, and then went to pick up Kaia early. About the time I hit Sand Springs, my realtor called me with nothing but bad news. First, there was no way we were closing to day (which meant my closing on my other house was immediately FUBAR). Apparently, the goddamn lender had just received some paperwork he'd been waiting on for a fucking week from the buyers. Also, he hadn't gotten the final FHA Appraisal sign-off.

And then Patty says this to me, "Well, you're not going to believe this. The buyers say that if they can't close tomorrow, it'll have to be June 1 because they're leaving town."

My response, "The fuck they are." And yes, Kaia was in the back seat (bad dad, bad). And then I proceeded to sort of unload on Patty. I told her to threaten them. This was not, by the way, news you want to receive while driving a car.

When I got home, I called my banker again, told him to run the numbers and see if we qualified for the house without selling ours. Then I called our Tulsa realtor and gave her the lowdown, told her to see what'd happen if the closing had to be postponed.

Ugh.

Then about 11pm last night, I get an email from Patty:

Lenderdude:

The file is fully approved.  When would you like to set closing?  I know our
closers will need a few hours to prepare docs and a few hours to work on the
final HUD with title but anytime within reason should be fine.

Thanks for all your help and effort to get this deal to close.

Patty: WOW!! Let's keep our fingers crossed. I'll talk to the closing company first thing in the morning to see how much time they need.

And now I'm still waiting.

Fuck it. I'm going to stick class. All this sitting and waiting shit is bad for me.