I don't remember what Steph and I were watching. Seems like it was a movie, but it had a lot of shots of New England during the fall. I sooooo want to live in that part of the country for at least a fall and winter. I just want one of those Currier and Ives holiday seasons, if you follow me. I want to be where Washington Irving wrote.
Oklahoma seems so featureless. There's a history you can feel in New England, signs of old civilization. The Old buildings. The old country. Snow covered roads. I want that shit just once in my life.
I really want no part of Oklahoma. I don't want to live here. It's not like I think it's a bad place to raise the Chosen One, but ... it's pretty much culturally neutral and loaded to the gills with bigots. I don't feel like we get to experience much, if that makes any sense.
Ah well. Someday, it'll happen.
That's the other thing I thought about this weekend. Watching The Nanny Diaries, I had a revelation. In the flick there are these scenes where she identifies different career archetypes of women she sees on the street. Fashionista, Age: 30, Income: $425,000... it was in that moment that I admitted to myself I'll never be rich and that my ambition was not enough when it needed to be (my 20s) to elevate me to a higher rung on the socio-economic scale.
So what now, then, if I'm at the pinnacle of my earning potential, of my career, such as it is? What do I do? I'm almost happy to become a parent. It allows me, nay, forces me to stop focusing on myself and my failures and instead focus on providing for someone else to ensure they reach their potential and fulfill their dreams. It's almost a liberating feeling. That or it's an excuse to quit, to hide... I'm unsure of which, really. Hopefully, this feeling will pass and I'll once again put the gear in drive.
As a side note, in the last two months, Steph and I have both discussed the possibility of becoming teachers.
One thing is for sure, I'm going to teach my kid to dream big and to have goals and to believe in himself, and hopefully, even though it's not something I'm skilled at, to take chances. To not fear failure or success.
Because when it comes down to it, the only life worth living is one you embrace and make your own.
10 comments:
As someone that has had the pleasure and misfortune of traveling all up and down the East Coast, literally from Maine to Miami, you will find equally as many ignorant, uneducated, bigots that it will make you long for the people of Oklahoma.
Like the subway sandwich maker, with a nice set of meth teeth, that began to explain to me how she can't decided if she want to be a pediatrician or a trial lawyer while she screwed up my sandwich. Lord help the children she gives a check up to or the defendant hoping for a fair trial.
Or the brutal racism and racial tension of the lovely states of Virginia and West Virginia.
I'll agree 100% with you about the feel of history when visiting a place like Washington DC or other New England cities but from my experience the people up there are as cold as the winters.
Scenery wise I highly recommend Maine. Breathtaking is the only word I can use to describe it when it's covered in snow.
That was a great post. We haven't had a heartfelt one in awhile, nice to have you back. You should've canned typepad a long time ago. :)
I agree with Jay on the idiots that do indeed roam the earth. It's not just Oklahoma. In some ways, at least here, you expect it. Go to blue states where you have high hopes that everyone is smart and educated and then meet up with morons and it's like, "oh. crap. they're here too."
Also, I find snobbery and pretentiousness somewhat worse than idiocy, and those run rampant in the states you speak of. I'd rather visit them and then decide where I'd rather be. Cuz really, I'm pretty content. Sure, I'd rather have nicer shopping and better restaurants, but I have met some fabulous friends here, so that's good enough for me.
xoxo
I've been to Bangor, Maine in January and September. You're not missing much.
Ambition? At what cost? I realize some people accomplish a lot and have fulfilling lives that intertwine personal life and career, but I'll say this: The times I've been the happiest have been when I've had more of my family and friends in close proximity and have increased my quality time with them. I remember those as the good times. I have to think harder to remember what "the good times" were in my career setting.
The only time I've felt happy working overtime is when it's wrestling related - but I absolutely love the sport. My best times and memories involve my family and friends. And neither group is present when I'm working overtime.
Yeah, I wish I was making more. And there are some situations I may eventually change to do that. But I'll be darned if I give back my precious time to "the grind" as long as I have a choice. I don't believe I was put on this earth to earn money. I believe I was put on this earth to love people and help them. And I hope I meet my earning potential in those areas :)
I was born on the East Coast and spent a big bulk of my early years in the northeast. The scenery is better, but I have to agree the attitudes are largely the same, they just have better accents. :D
Okay, then, i just want a change of scenery? That make you happy, people? I don't really give two fucks about my neighbors anyway.
Well, I was going to expand upon the fact that after living in Oklahoma for 7 years during my first marriage, we then moved to his native state of West Virginia for a year. Until I basically threatened to go postal on everyone within a ten-mile radius if he didn't let us move back to Oklahoma. But of course, your last comment has me laughing too hard to go into too much detail about the mind-numbing stupidity possessed by people who live in breathtakingly beautiful places.
Change of scenery is good, very good. If you think featureless, boring, and achingly uninteresting describes Oklahoma, I invite you to the suburbs of Ft. Worth. I pine for Oklahoma in the fall and winter.. shit, who am I kidding? This is Texas. I pine for Oklahoma all the time, stuck here in this writhing hell.
You guys should take a driving tour of New England in the fall. Before the roads get treacherous.
Yeah, I don't think I'd want to live there, so far away from all my friends and family. but I would like to live there for an autumn & winter.
I would like to LIVE somewhere else for awhile. Like Colorado or Washington state. Oregon. something with trees and mountains and maybe the scent of the ocean. Not for perpetuity. I mean, hell, I'd like to live for a year in England, too.
I think over the next few months you are going to have a lot more posts like this. I hear having a baby will do that to you.
I would like to visit the places you describe, but not live there. In fact a dear friend is moving that direction and I have already told Mark I want a real vacation there by next Spring. I'll take pictures. ; )
I actually like living here and when any mention of moving comes up I try to nip it in the bud. This is where I see myself for years and happy about it. There are many times where I wish I was still closer to my best friends and family, but I'm not so far that I can't see them for a weekend either.
I did tell Mark the other day I want to be a trophy type wife. I want to be home with the kids for the first few years, do rescue stuff and just try being someone different. Lol, just saying that is weird to me. A few years ago I didn't even know if I wanted kids and now I am talking about staying home their first five years.
I blame this on you and Steph. Yep.
Money has never meant anything to me. Success is what you make of it. No matter how big or small. I know how you feel wanting to change the scenery. It is boring here. Maybe you need more vacations.
And wow Lothar made me think. I have been on 12 hour days for 2 weeks and haven't stopped to see a friend or family member. I didn't even know Andia was having surgery. I suck.
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