Hey. Sup.

So, nothing much up lately. Nothing worth talking about.

What's that? I'm full of crap? Yes, that's indeed true. There's a ton of shit going on lately, but I imagine most of you already know most of it. I'll rehash anyway.

Kaia
I don't often update here about Kaia. I figure Steph handles most of that on her blog or on her facebook. But Kaia is doing awesome. Sure, she's kinda sickly, but we take it in stride. We figure that every time she catches something new and gets through it, she's that much tougher going forward.

It's not like she cares when she's sick anyway. Toddlers are sort of like animals that way. They haven't yet developed any self-pity. They just know they don't feel well, then ignore it and go on about their day.

She's an awesome little girl. She can't go 15 minutes without making me smile, whether it's because of something she says or something she does. For instance, she'll walk up to me when I'm sitting on the couch, look up and say, "Sit the lap, Daddy!" It's not a request.

I really need to get better at writing this stuff down. Maybe I should turn this into the Kaia blog, though that sort of goes in the face of my whole beaten-down-by-the-man aesthetic.

The House(es)
After trying to sell this turd for four months, someone finally put a contract on it. But rather than that be a pleasant story, it's been sort of a royal pain in the ass. First, we went through about five rounds of offer/counter before settling on a price. The end result of that is mostly more money out of our pocket than I'd have liked. Not an unusual feeling when selling your house I'd imagine.

Not only did they sort of make the bargaining process a pain in the ass, but they were completely unwilling to compromise on a closing date (meaning we're out earlier than we'd have liked). We would have preferred a later closing date because Steph is out-of-state two weeks this month (just finished up the first, then she's home for a week, then gone again).

So all that crap reluctantly agreed upon, they started all the inspections. No termites (which we were afraid we might have), and a pretty clean inspection, however... there were some recommended repairs. Nothing unusual, really, except for one thing.

Back when we originally bought the house, there were no screens on it. There were screens, of course, but they were standing along side the house and really in no shape to be hanging anywhere. I can see why they were taken off. It would've uglied up the facade. Never bothered us.

One of the requests of the buyers was for screens. My first impulse was to tell them to fuck right off. What you see is what you get, but our realtor (spellcheck is telling me that realtor has a capital R; wtf, you don't capitalize other professions; no R for you!) here in stillwater said screens would probably be required for the buyer's loan to go through. We got an estimate. $45 a window x 17 windows = $765. Yeah, no, which is what I told our realtor to tell the buyers. I'd only be doing that if I had to.

As it turns out, the FHA loan appraiser did not say there had to be screens. However, because they're getting an FHA loan, there were other things we were on the hook for. See, an FHA loan requires the seller to be responsible for the first $300 of repairs.

Things required by the FHA appraiser:

• Hand rails for the front and back porch (wtf?!)
• Removal of old gas furnace/heater in our bathroom; capping of the gas line by licensed plumber
• Replacement of electrical outlets in kitchen and bathrooms with GFI outlets
• Fixing of something that's wrong with the back door (we're still pretty unsure as to what's wrong with the back door)

I'll start sort of with the second one. It's something my dad and I could do, but capping a gas line has to be done by someone licensed, which in this case means a plumber. It takes about 10 minutes to do, and he'll charge me for an hour of his time, which means just this part will cost me about $75.

After he's done, we have to then patch the hole in the wall left by the removal of the heater. I dunno if you've been in my bathroom, but the bottom half of the walls are covered by 1950's yellow tile. Matching that would be impossible. Fortunately, I have a contractor in my Kali class, and he suggested we just build a small shelf to fit in the hole. He also gave me a quote for the hand rail in the back (he says that according to code, we don't really need one in the front). For the rail and the box, provided I picked up the materials (which I did: $36), he'd do that for $150. Dad said that's a good deal, so we're GO on that.

Which leaves me with the outlets. Again, something my dad and I could do fairly easily, but again, we have to have someone licensed come in and do it. The dude in my class recommended an electrician buddy of his, so I gave the guy a call. Replacing the outlets will "not exceed $200."

So... $75+36+150+200 = $461

No, again, we're only responsible for the first $300 of that, meaning we get to negotiate with the buyers for the last $161 bucks. But wait... there's more.

After I told them no on the screens, they came back with a "compromise." How about we just do screens on the kitchen, bathroom and master bedroom?

WTF, man. No, you goddamn retards. I'm not a charity. I'm not doing a fucking home improvement project for you. You want screens? Put them on your goddamn selves. Take it out of the closing money we gave you.

I feel through all of this that we're being taken advantage of. And I wish that I'd gotten another offer on the house so that I could've called them on their contingency. Also, as we just told them to gooooo fuck themselves on the screens late friday afternoon, I'm sure to hear back from them again tomorrow. Can't wait.

Tomorrow is a week from closing. I don't want to be in the room with them.

Now, let part of that sink in for a minute. I'm seven days from moving out of this place. Out of the flood zone and the $350 summer utility bills (feast on that this july, you house buying wankers). We're about 60% packed. Steph was gone to Abilene all last week for work, which didn't really leave me time for packing on account of being Mr. Mom, so we're a little behind schedule. But we'll get there. We always do. Things get done in the time allotted to getting them done. It'll be a bit stressful, sure, but ... it'll sure be nice to get out of here, even if it means I'm commuting for awhile (I'll come back to that in a minute).

So... the other house. It's in an awesome location -- about 55th and Yale, just to the west of La Fortune park. The street it's on ends in a cul-de-saq, so there won't be a lot of through traffic. One of the best elementary schools in Tulsa is about a two minute walk from our front porch. It's got all hard wood floors ('cept the kitchen and bathrooms, of course), a back yard with a covered porch, a two-car garage and it's in really, really good shape. We're pretty stoked. You'll all get to see it when you help us move.

Also, plan on there being a birthday party for Steph either the 12th or 19th of June. Might as well break it in in style, right?

The Commute
I'm not going to lie. I'm not looking forward to driving from Tulsa to Stillwater four days a week for work. But I'm not going to complain about it. Steph's been doing that commute every week day since November, and before that she'd done nine months back and forth to downtown OKC. It is my turn.

For those of you out of state, it's going to be roughly 85 miles one way.

Here's the other thing. And this is the part of the story where you guys are going to think I'm retarded, but... I'm not really in a hurry to look for a job in Tulsa, for a number of reasons. First, while I don't love my job, I don't hate it either. I'm the editor-in-chief if a freaking magazine. It may not pay what I want, but not many people can say they have their own mag, you know?

Second, I get a fuckton of vacation time. I'm generally sitting on somewhere between five and six weeks, and it does not expire. Further, I acquire 14.67 hours of additional vacation time a month, so even when I take a random day here and there, it's really hard to actually substantially chip away at the balance.

Third, my boss works in another building way across campus. I rarely interact with him, and so far, he's a results oriented guy and not a micromanager, which is code for he-leaves-me-the-hell-alone. That means I can drag into work late and not get chewed out... so long as my job is getting done. I'm not going to lie, that is awesome. I don't have to watch the clock. I just have to do good work. And cmon, while I'm not a SuperFan, I do like OSU sports.

Fourth, I get a truckload of sick leave. I'm not really sick that often, but my little girl sure is, and when she has that inevitable next ear infection, I don't have to burn annual leave to stay home with her. My current balance of "sick leave" is somewhere in the neighborhood of 1300+ hours. That's just over 32 weeks for those of you playing the home game (I think I add 16.something hours of six leave to the tally every month).

Fifth, and this is the one you guys are going to go "Wha?" about the most -- I want to train with my martial arts instructor for at least a year. The truth is that the guy has a really unique set of arts in which he's proficient in, and he's really, really personable (I like his teaching style). Also, I'm pretty sure I'd be unable to duplicate the conditions that allow me to train every day at lunch anywhere in Tulsa. So.... I'd better move on to the next topic.

Fighting
So, yeah, I've been taking my martial arts stuff for a little more than three months now, and it is still awesome.

Now, waaay back in January when I blogged about it, I was excited to be taking Kali/Eskrima (Filipino stick fighting). But as it turns out, to rank up at my school, you have to take more than one system of martial arts. I'm going to sound like a Kool-aid drinker during this part, but you know I'm not the type to buy into anything in that sort of manner, so bear with me while I explain.

Bruce Lee, when developing his system of martial arts -- Jeet Kune Do -- believed that in order to become an effective martial artist, one needed be free to learn the most effective techniques from any martial arts system and incorporate it into one's arsenal. Bruce practiced Wing Chun, and he started with that as a base and added in principles from American boxing, fencing, wrestling and other martial arts. Many regard him as the very first mixed martial artist.

My instructor believes in the principles Bruce Lee set forth, and to that end, he's taken a truckload of different martial arts. He's got "black belts" in about five different systems, and various certifications in a handful of others. He's basically like some warrior monk who's somehow carved out a life doing nothing but the study and teaching of martial arts. Dude does not have a lot of money. I've been redoing all his marketing materials pro bono because it sort of embarrassed me how bad it was. I'm not done yet. I still have a website to do. Anyway, the Bruce Lee stuff.

So my instructor looked at all the different systems he'd taken and picked the four most effective and complementary to each other and he teaches them together. You can go in and just take one of them, but he'll peer pressure you into practicing all four (Kali/Eksrima, Jeet Kune Do, Muay Thai and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu). Kali trains you in weapons (application and defense). JKD is stand up stuff; punching, kicking, trapping and take-downs. Muay Thai (thaiboxing) is pretty much the most devastating set of strikes around (knees, elbows, fists, shins, etc.) And then if you've ever watched an MMA fight, you probably already know all about BJJ. It's the one where they're on the ground in a sort of chess match wherein "checkmate" is some sort of submission hold like an armbar or a choke.

I'm not really studying this stuff so that I can go hop in the octagon. Much like before I started, I have no desire to ever get into a real fight. Odds are I won't. My instructor has said he's gotten in more "real" fights in his various schools than he ever has on the street. I believe that. If you don't go looking for trouble, it probably won't find you.

No, I'm taking all of it because it feels awesome to be learning again, and especially something involving my body. It appeals to me both academically and physically. It appeals to my sense of competition and is doing wonders for my anxiety and overall mental well-being. I'm so much more relaxed (other than this month with all the house crap) than I used to be. Hell, I can feel that I'm more confident.

Now, sure, I'm still learning to fight. I used to be scared shitless of fighting. Any situation with anything remotely physically intimidating used to send me packing. I know why, mind you. My dad basically kept me in a heightened state of fear my entire adolescence. Fear becomes a state of being, and I've been fighting those tendencies my entire adult life. Imagine then, for a moment, how liberating it is to suddenly have some of that fear taken away.

It's not that I used to walk around afraid someone would jump out of the bushes and beat me up. But when you're afraid of conflict, you're afraid to do so many other things as well. This is changing that. So in that regard, other than being a good husband and parent, I really feel like this is the most important thing I can be doing for myself right now. How many times in your life have you been able to say with 100 percent certainty that "this is what I'm supposed to be doing"?

Like I said, I know it sounds like I've been drinking the Kool-ade (aid? whicheverthehell), but ... I can feel this changing me for the better, and I'm not inclined to quit it out of convenience. There's always going to be that next better-paying job where I'll have more responsibility and more hours and that'll seem like a step in the right direction but might actually just be more work. I just don't see that at this moment that could be more spiritually (not in that god way) fulfilling that what I'm doing now. I'm making myself better and it has nothing to do with punching someone in the face.

That said, I am, in fact, getting punched in the face. It's really not as bad as I'd imagined. Anticipation of death is worse than death itself, right?

I mean, you know those parts in the movies where they get into martial arts fights and the guys are always blocking punches and doing cool counters and parries and whatnot? That's the stuff I'm learning how to do, and honestly, as cool as it looks in the movies, doing it yourself is even cooler. Until you try to block a rear Thai kick with your forearm, that is.

My favorite part of all the stuff I'm taking is either the stick sparring or the knife fighting. Fridays are knife fighting class, and it's awesome stuff. We've learned all kinds of disarms and counters. I get the "willies" a lot during knife class because while we're using wooden and rubber training knives, you can't help but think about the practical applications of what you're learning. I now know a lot of ways to hurt someone pretty bad with a knife. More importantly, however, is the fact that I know how to lessen the odds of being killed by someone with a knife.

Again, you can see that this just isn't a "practical" sort of thing. I don't even carry a knife. But it's fun to learn because it's so technical. Learning the technique and getting it right is exactly the sort of thing that appeals to by quasi-OCD/super competitive nature.

This also goes for the stick fighting. I'm sort of at the top of my "class" for the stick stuff. When we "hand spar," I'm mostly the one shelling out the hits and not taking them. When I say "hand spar," it's means that we focus on hitting our opponents hand with the stick. When we do this, we wear kenpo gloves and use padded sticks and are very careful not to target the head, knees or other incapacitating areas. The theory goes that if you got into a real fight with real weapons, all you'd need to do to end it is hit them in the hand. The sticks are so hard and swing so fast, you're going to shatter their fingers.

So yeah, it's violent. Yeah, we do get hurt. My wrist is all jacked up from landing a hook into a guy's forearm instead of the focus mitt. He moved it mid swing. His fault. Still hurts though. Also, I always come home with new bruises. Thing is, and believe me I know this sounds mental, but I like 'em. I always have bruises from knife class and sparring. But they're like badges of twisted pride or something. I'm finding out I'm tougher than I thought I was. There's something empowering about it.

Last friday, I passed my first "ranking" test. We don't do belts, but I did get a cool certificate. I'm planning on hanging it in my office next to my two diplomas from OSU.

Oh, and because I know you're thinking it, I'll go ahead and tell you: I'd fight William Shatner.

Final Thing

For those of you Tulsanites, pay attention. I found my box of gaming books as we were packing. I'm starting a D&D campaign when I get there. Figure out what night works best for you.